I used to be a perfect mom, until I had a baby.
I'm guilty of being a mom, and in August that mama-guilt comes on really strong, because in two days I cease becoming a Summer-time Stay At Home Mom and once again become a full-time working mom.
And I feel guilty.
I'm trying to shake it off, I know we did a lot of fun things this summer. Ox's first step into kindergarten and Little Frog's initiation in to preschool are good things. They're ready to learn, and I'm ready to be on the parent side of things rather than the teacher side. I'm really, truly, very excited for both of them.
But I feel guilty.
If I were a better mom I would be able to stay home with my kids without going crazy, and they would both be reading by the time they were 2 1/2 because everything we do is language rich and they never, ever get any screen time.
Hah. We've watched Pippi Longstocking maybe 8 times since last week. But hey, she's a literary character, so it's almost like reading a book, right?
The thing is, I love my job. I don't want to give it up. I have serious doubts that I'm any good at being a SAHM, if the state of my house by August is any indication. And obviously despite the fact that I am a teacher, a library media specialist in fact, my 5-year-old can't read very well yet. I'm sort-of done trying, lets give his teacher a turn (but I still feel guilty).
I know mama guilt is a part of being a mom. It is probably ingrained in us so that we keep trying. In parenting there is always something more that could be done.
But I could be doing a heck of a lot worse.
So when I feel guilty I'm going to focus on what I've seen from my kids this summer:
Ox and Little Frog playing house for hours on end. Granted Ox has a garden hose sprayer that he uses as a gun to shoot all the bad animals (oops), but Little Frog, always the mom, says "Sweetie, go get that bear sweetie" or "Sweetie please don't yell at me sweetie." For hours. Now punctuated by Pippi Longstocking songs due to their recent addiction.
Now tell me I'm thinking too much, and let it go, because in two days I'll have wished I spent my time doing something else rather than feeling guilty.
Like teaching myself to knit (hey, winter comes early in MN)